Blogs
I hope that you will find my blogs interesting and helpful.
They are based upon personal and professional experiences.
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Ten Helpful Tips for Trainee Counsellors
I started my own training with little idea of what to expect. A few tips covering both the emotional and practical aspects would have been incredibly helpful. Drawing on my experience as a trainee, counsellor and supervisor, I have compiled some suggestions.
1. Take good care of yourself
Counselling training is often a powerful experience. It can be rewarding, intense, exhausting, exciting, emotional, deep, challenging, stressful and life changing. Attending to your own well-being is therefore essential.
Make time to pause, and to be aware of your needs. Pay attention to what nurtures, relaxes, and brings you peace, and what replenishes and energises you. With good self-care you are well equipped to meet the course demands and to be grounded and present as a counsellor.
2. Be prepared to experience the emotional effects of counselling training
Counselling training provides many opportunities for deep-self exploration and reflection. Discovering more about yourself can evoke a range of feelings and emotions.
Many people learn to give and to receive constructive feedback as part of their training. Whilst this can be a source of valuable learning, you might feel vulnerable both giving and receiving sensitive insights.
3. Be prepared for changes in your relationships
As you develop personally and professionally your perceptions, attitudes and interests can change. You may become more self-aware and self-accepting, more confident and self-sufficient. These changes can affect your relationships with family and friends.
4. Find a counsellor
Most but not all training courses require that you have counselling sessions. Whether or not personal counselling is stipulated I would recommend it for the following reasons:
Whilst training there are various situations where your own material can be triggered. Counselling can support you emotionally which is important for self-care as well as enabling you to be inwardly steady and solid whilst working with clients.
As a counsellor it is important to have sat in the client’s chair. To have experienced being in a therapeutic relationship from a client’s perspective, and to have worked at depth with your own issues.
5. Considerations when choosing a counsellor and supervisor
First, a brief explanation of supervision, which is a professional requirement for trainee and qualified counsellors in the UK. During sessions, client work is explored and discussed including any ethical issues that arise. There is also space for supervisees to attend to their personal and professional development.
Whilst the emphasis in personal counselling and clinical supervision differs, both are supportive relationships. I recommend arranging a meeting by phone, online or face to face with prospective counsellors and supervisors. It is open to see if this is a person with whom you can form a bond, and speak with openly.
There are practical matters to discuss such as their prices and availability. Do make sure that your counsellor and supervisor are approved by your college or university. This avoids forming a bond with a practitioner, only to discover that you must end the relationship and start again with somebody new. Many trainings have a list of approved counsellors and supervisors.
6. Find out about college or university assistance
There might be extra support available if you have special needs such as physical disabilities and learning differences. If you inform course directors and tutors of your needs from the start, there is more clarity about what is required and what is available.
7. Look into time commitments and financial costs. This will give you more options for planning ahead.
As you check fees and course dates look out for extras such as residential training.
Set aside adequate time for completing work that needs to be submitted. Be prepared for plenty of reading.
Having your own regular therapy is usually a course requirement that will add to your expenses.
Counselling practice is often at a placement that offers clients free or low-cost therapy. Most placement counsellors work voluntarily and are provided with free group supervision. You will probably also need to have individual supervision adding to your time and cost commitments.
8. Keep written records of everything
Receipts and payment records help if there are any administrative queries.
To avoid misunderstandings keep records of communications that relate to your course, for example time extensions for handing in assignments.
Keeping information about course details and areas of study can save you time in the future, for example when approaching placements and applying for jobs.
Keep records of time spent in personal counselling, your hours of voluntary counselling, and individual and group supervision. This information will be needed to complete your course, and probably later if you apply for Accreditation with a professional body. Many, but not all courses have forms and procedures for this.
9. Consider looking for a placement at the earliest opportunity
Counselling clients is likely to be a central part of your training. Once you have reached this stage in your training, and feel ready enough, I recommend applying to placements as there are a limited number of places available. Some trainings will not let you continue into the next year without a placement.
10. Invite fellow trainees to form a peer group
As you approach the end of your training it is a good idea to think about future supports. Courses include opportunities for learning, discussing, sharing and attending to personal and professional development. Following graduation, meeting fellow trainees regularly can be mutually helpful and supportive.
I am reminded of these words by Carl Rogers when I reflect upon my own experiences as a trainee:
If I am to facilitate the personal growth of others in relation to me, then I must grow, and while that is often painful it is also enriching.
Carl Rogers (1995) On Becoming a Person: A Therapist's View of Psychotherapy
Contact Paula
You are most welcome to get in touch if you are looking for a counsellor or supervisor. We can have a meeting online and discuss working together. I offer face to face supervision and counselling in Harrow / Stanmore and online if you prefer.
Lockdown Journal
March 12th 2020 ~ Driving home from Heathrow airport I sneeze into my coat sleeve. The cab driver is alarmed, he warns me that 'Each time you sneeze it’s like a mini bomb going off’. We have been visiting family in Florida and I am noticing a a higher level of tension and anxiety in the Uk.
Back home I soon realise that we only have one roll of toilet paper. Before going away I gave my son a shopping list and he has very kindly brought everything we need, except loo paper. His reason ‘I tried three shops and there wasn’t any’ seems rather unlikely. I go out in the evening and eventually find a large pack, it is the last one on the shelf.
The next few days
Countries all over the world are closing down. I am fascinated by the drama and the enormity of it all. The news is the only programme that interests me and the topic is always the same.
Working Online
We are now in lockdown and all my counselling and supervision work is online and by phone. A few clients decide to wait until we can be face to face again.
Some people ask for telephone sessions and sit in their car for privacy. A number of supervisees have fewer clients and want to meet less frequently. To begin with I am uncertain about the future of my practice. Then I have a few new enquiries and it feels more secure.
Certain clients and supervisees are more technologically able than I am. Sometimes I need their help and feel as if our roles have been reversed. I learn to allow for extra time at the end of sessions in case starting up or crashing during the middle has eaten into somebody’s time.
Since we can no longer be in the same physical space it is important to acknowledge how this feels and to mention any concerns. Although we are physically distanced I hope that we can still feel emotionally connected.
The shadow of coronavirus is constantly present. We explore its effects and the surreal feelings that many of us are experiencing. There is a sense for me of us all being in this together.
Reflections
I would like to find some meaning in all this, to understand in a spiritual way why is it happening, and why now? The Jewish concept of Tikkun Olam which is about repairing the world makes the most sense to me. At this extraordinary time people are being kind and helpful, some are showing great courage in their efforts to save lives.
On social media I see many posts about a better future in terms of the environment and new ways of living. There are poems, and videos with beautiful scenery and music. I realise that these posts are supposed to be uplifting, but they bring tears to my eyes because the cost in lives is so high.
The virus
These are the first known symptoms of Coronavirus: sore throat, fever, cough, breathing difficulties and fatigue. For some weeks I have had all of these symptoms apart from the fever. Then I hear that people can have the virus without the fever. As the number of deaths escalate, my cough gets worse. I feel as if there is an iron bar pressing down on my chest.
The virus is spreading, it travels through the air and rests on surfaces. Apparently, it can live on plastic for weeks. There are discussions about the pros and cons of wearing a mask and we are given handwashing demonstrations.
When a family member is rushed to hospital my anxiety rises. She returns home the next day and recovers fully. However, my anxiety stays high and the bar on my chest presses harder.
On April 2nd I hear about the death of a Rabbi, I met him once and was impressed by his kindness and sensitivity. His funeral is shown on the news. After that I stop watching the news, I dread hearing about more deaths.
I think I have the virus, or a chest infection or maybe anxiety is causing all these symptoms. One evening I pack a small bag in case I need to be taken to hospital during the night. Then I wake up in the morning feeling better. This happens several times.
Whilst talking online with a friend about my anxiety I become more fully aware of my grief. I am so grateful that none of our family or friends have died, and at the same time I am grieving for the thousands of people who are no longer with us.
My grief feels overwhelming and I am tempted to push it away. However, I know that distracting myself only helps for a little while. So I stay with the emotions in a Focusing way which is gentle and accepting. I notice what I am feeling, and put a soothing hand on my chest where it hurts. Gradually the physical symptoms subside.
Life under Lockdown
I check my street from the window, it looks deserted and therefore safe, so I venture out for my 'daily exercise'. A lady walks towards me from the opposite direction. The virus is very contageous and we must keep two metres apart. Our eyes meet. We both move to cross over the road. We stop and smile. I indicate that I will cross over. We wave and then continue walking on opposite sides of the street.
Each day I walk up the street or down the street, enjoying the sunshine and the flowers.
My son is outside in his car. I leave my granddaughter’s birthday presents on the step and close the front door. From a window I watch my son collect the presents, he places boxes of my favourite coffee pods on the step. I am longing for a hug. When he is safely back in the car, I open the front door. My granddaughter is shouting from the car ‘I love you’, I call back that I love her too. They drive away and I am heart-broken to see them go.
My four-year-old granddaughter in Florida calls me on Hangouts. We agree that every day is the same and give each other tours of our homes. We discuss the time difference and send each other stickers and photos. I treasure this time together, normally she would have been in school.
WhatsApp is ringing, I swipe, and there they all are, my son, daughter-in-law and little granddaughter with her beaming smile. We sing nursery rhymes and look at books.
There are many opportunities for learning online. To begin with I cannot think about starting something new. The future feels too uncertain and I am living day by day, I concentrate upon the safety of my family, and connecting with clients. I talk with family and friends and feel that we are supporting each other. That is enough.
Eventually I feel more safe and recognize that we can take care of ouselves by living in this strange bubble of physical isolation. I choose an online course and join some workshops. Attending to my professional development is grounding and gives me a sense of hope.
Thursday evenings at 8pm ~ It starts with a gentle tinkling that becomes a clinking and then an enormous clanking with fireworks whistling and banging and bursting into coloured lights. Sometimes we join in, knocking on our pots and pans, waving at neighbours and saying thank you to our wonderful NHS.
Post Covid reflections
Prior to Covid my counselling practice included a combination of face to face and online work to suit people's preferences. This made the transition to working solely online a little easier. However, there were issues with unstable connections, often resolved by clients and supervisees with more technological knowledgeable than me . This introduced an interesting dynamic to our therapeutic relationships.
We were living in 'unprecidented' times and this was reflected in the counselling material, including anxiety, uncertainty, boredom, loneliness, missing the company of family and friends and also missing personal space and alone time. Lockdown was especially dangerous for people living in abusive situations.
I also worked with people who welcomed lockdown. They were able to relax without the pressures of socialising and struggling to fit in at work, college and school.
Gradually, life returned back to 'normal', and people marvelled at being with other human beings in real time and space.
Contact Paula
You are most welcome to get in touch if you are looking for a counsellor or supervisor. I offer online and face to face supervision and counselling in Harrow / Stanmore.
ADHD and Person-Centred Counselling
Experiencing ADHD
Living with ADHD can feel like being constantly out of step with the world around you. Your brain works differently and life skills which most people develop naturally, such as completing tasks, organising yourself and regulating emotions can be hugely challenging.
This can evoke criticism, leading to feelings of inadequacy and shame. As Ben Polis shares:
I was always in trouble. I was always confused and suffered from low self-esteem, because I did not know what I was doing wrong
Over time you may learn to hide your ADHD symptoms. Whilst this can be beneficial socially, masking can also cause issues such as feeling disconnected from your true (organismic) self, anxiety that the mask will slip, burn out, and exhaustion.
Living with ADHD can also be exhilarating, and absorbing. Many people enjoy their creative flow. Experiencing surges of original ideas can be exciting and energising. Significant relationships may feel intense, deep and meaningful.
Typical ADHD qualities include an ability to act quickly in emergencies, empathy, a good sense of humour, a likeable personality, heightened intuition, and a reliable sense of people and who to trust. René Brooks writes:
I love being creative and able to hyper-focus on things that I really enjoy. That feeling of being 'in the zone' when creating is amazing. Also, though being sensitive to rejection can make relationships difficult, I also feel like it shows how much people with ADHD deeply feel things.
Understanding ADHD
ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) is present from birth and thought to be genetic. Differences in brain chemistry affect thinking, behaviour, focus, sensitivities and more. ADHD is complex and people have their own unique experiences of living with it. ADHD presents in three main ways:
Predominantly inattentive – Difficulty paying attention and being easily distracted. Alternatively, concentrating intensely on one area (hyperfocus).
Predominantly hyperactive-impulsive – Restlessness, fidgeting, and interrupting people. Speaking and acting impulsively and experiencing regret and shame afterwards.
Combined presentation – The most usual form of ADHD includes both inattentive and hyperactive-impulsive symptoms.
Two examples of ADHD in the classroom
A child with inattentive ADHD (often, but not always, girls) is sitting quietly, zoning in and out, with little idea of what is going on. She is falling behind educationally and has no friends. When she is not daydreaming, she feels lonely and anxious.
A child with hyperactive-impulsive ADHD (often, but not always, boys) is causing a disturbance, bothering classmates, and annoying the teacher. He experiences the weight of other people's displeasure and feels angry and miserable.
What is person-centred counselling?
Founded by Carl Rogers during the 1950’s, Person-centred counsellors maintain that nobody knows us, as well as we know ourselves. Carl Rogers explains:
It is the client who knows what hurts, what directions to go, what problems are crucial, and what experiences have been deeply buried. It began to occur to me that unless I had a need to demonstrate my own cleverness and learning, I would do better to rely upon the client for the direction of movement in the process.
As Person-centred counsellors we understand and trust the process. People naturally gravitate towards psychological health and healing when they have the right support. During sessions clients work with areas that matter to them. They are free to explore in their own way and at their own pace.
For people with ADHD who have been required to adapt to neurotypical ways, finding that their own sense of what is needed predominates, can be the start of a rich and healing journey. Person-centred counsellors create an environment where self-confidence and self-esteem can develop. The invitation to lead and to follow your own path can be liberating. It can also be challenging. Some clients choose to explore the challenge, discovering more about themselves and the effects of past experiences as they go along.
The counselling relationship explained
Person-centred therapy maintains that in a nurturing environment people naturally gravitate towards psychological health and healing. Counsellors support this ongoing process by offering Rogers' six conditions for psychological growth.
1. Psychological contact
There needs to be a contact between counsellor and client so that counselling can take place.
2. The client's situation
The client is emotionally vulnerable because the way that they perceive themself is not how they would like to be. A person with ADHD may view themselves as inadequate having absorbed other people's judgements.
3. Genuineness
Counsellors try to be aware of what they are feeling inwardly so that what is communicated to clients is authentic and true to the feelings inside. Clients experience a real relationship with a trustworthy person. This makes it easier to share openly during their sessions.
Counsellors model self-awareness which encourages clients to deepen understandings of themselves. A person with ADHD can learn to view their way of being in terms of personal insights rather than other people's judgements. Recognising the validity of one’s own perceptions often increases confidence and self-esteem.
4. Unconditional positive regard
Parents, teachers, and friends, who respond to us positively only if we meet their wishes and expectations, offer conditional regard.
For example, an ADHD child called Sam is praised for sitting still in class. However, sitting still is difficult and the teacher frequently expresses disappointment as Sam runs around the room. He experiences the teacher's displeasure and feels bad about himself.
In contrast, Person-centred counsellors consistently offer unconditional positive regard, a warm, respectful, and accepting relationship. Counsellors do not require or expect clients to please them. The message is ‘you are intrinsically worthy'.
Unconditional positive regard encourages self-acceptance and allows self-esteem to recover and grow. Clients tend to worry less about failure and rejection as the impact of other people's judgements reduces and their own views and meanings become more important.
5. Empathy
Person-centred practitioners seek to understand and express the client’s point of view. This allows people to hear themselves more clearly. Sometimes moving deeper into the intricacies of their experiences and gaining fresh insights.
Loneliness is reduced when somebody else gets how it is for you. This can be comforting and calming for those people with ADHD who tend to experience emotions strongly. This includes Rejection-sensitive dysphoria (RSD) which refers to intense and painful feelings of rejection and being judged, which may or may not be valid, sometimes believing that you have done something wrong
6.Communication
Counsellors successfully communicate their empathic understanding and unconditional positive regard so that clients can benefit from these qualities.
Choosing Person-centred Counselling
As an experienced counsellor working with ADHD clients, I find that the Person-centred approach has many benefits. What stands out for me is the quality of relationship. Being deeply understood and accepted just as you are, can be a great relief. This applies to people who are struggling and people who are outwardly coping whilst inwardly experiencing the stress of masking and trying to fit in. One of the great strengths of this approach is that it facilitates self-empowerment enabling clients to value themselves, and to move towards reaching their full potential.
Reference
René Brooks. 2018, Things I love about my ADHD
William Dodson. 2025, ADHD Think: Uncomfortable Truths About the ADHD Nervous System
Sharon Pearson. ADHD Chatter. Podcast on You Tube
Ben Polis. 2005 Only a mother could love him. Hodder and Stoughton, London
Carl R. Rogers. 1961 On Becoming a Person: A Therapist's View on Psychotherapy. Constable, London
Contact Paula
You are most welcome to get in touch if you are looking for a Person-centred counsellor or supervisor, who is experienced in working with neurodiverse people. I offer face to face supervision and counselling in Harrow / Stanmore and online if you prefer.
Finding a Counselling Supervisor
Whether you are a trainee counsellor starting out in the profession, or a seasoned practitioner, highly experienced in the field, regular supervision is an essential support. I view supervision as an ongoing process. For as long as we practice there is always room to develop and enhance our work, enabling us to meet client needs to the very best of our ability. There will always be unusual situations and unexpected dilemmas to explore with our supervisors. As I write this, I am remembering Covid, and the challenges of working solely online.
As we become more experienced in our practice, what we need from supervision naturally changes and evolves. I have taken this into account as I offer my suggestions.
Introductory meeting
Ask prospective supervisors for a preliminary meeting, either online or in-person. This is an opportunity to discuss working together and to ask any questions. It also allows you to get a deeper sense of each other, and whether you would be a good fit.
The relationship with your supervisor
Supervision is most effective and enjoyable when you feel at ease to be self-reflective and to explore your work openly. Often the initial meeting can give you an intuitive sense of whether this is the right person for you to work with.
The feeling that you could form a strong bond or connection is not always easy to define. However, certain qualities indicate potential for a warm, trusting and productive relationship. Here are a few possibilities to consider:
Empathy, attentiveness and interest in what you are sharing during the initial meeting.
Openness, honesty, warmth, acceptance and respect.
Solidness and non-defensiveness, someone you can trust to handle difficult conversations.
Level of experience, professional attitude and boundaries.
Meeting your supervisory needs
When meeting a prospective supervisor, you can often discern whether they can meet your immediate supervisory needs. However, it is more difficult to foresee how well they will support you in the future because our needs tend to change as we develop.
To learn more about their supervisory approach, you can introduce topics that you consider important into the conversation. My own experience is that people seeking supervision, particularly more experienced practitioners want to know whether they will be challenged in a way that feels useful, meaningful and encouraging of their professional growth.
Practical areas
Location - Check that the supervisor’s location, whether face to face, online, or a combination is practical for you.
Fees - Information about fees can often be found on the supervisor’s website. Some offer a reduced fee for trainee and voluntary counsellors. If this is not specified, it is worth asking.
There may be a fee for missed and cancelled sessions which should be explained and included in your contract or working agreement.
Availability - Establish whether the supervisor’s availability meets your needs and requirements. Availability includes the days and times when you can book an appointment, and whether you can contact the supervisor between sessions with work-related concerns.
My own position as a supervisor, is that while I cannot guarantee immediate availability outside of sessions, it is important for supervisees to feel that they can approach me, especially if there is an emergency. I will always respond as soon as possible. I appreciate that when starting out on your counselling journey, and even later, it might not be clear whether you are facing an emergency.
The supervisor’s qualifications and experience
If you are a trainee counsellor, it is important to ensure that your supervisor’s qualifications, counselling approach and experience fulfil the course requirements.
Consider whether you prefer to work with a supervisor who is experienced in a particular field. Examples are young people, addictions and bereavement.
If you plan to apply for counsellor accreditation and if you are starting a private practice, you may want to work with a supervisor who can support you in these areas.
The supervisor’s counselling modality
If you are a trainee or newly qualified counsellor, I recommend working with an individual supervisor whose therapeutic modality is in tune with your own. This consistency between training and supervision avoids confusion that can occur when the two are not aligned. Your supervisor can clarify areas of theory and practice when helpful and their general attitude naturally reinforces your core theory, practice and way of being.
For experienced counsellors, this is more a matter of preference. A supervisor who is familiar with your own modality, while practicing differently in their own work can offer opportunities to explore client material from a fresh angle. You may gain valuable new perspectives that enhance your work and professional development.
I have written this blog from my own position of being both a supervisee and a supervisor. A person who both receives and offers support and guidance in their work. I am deeply appreciative of the personal and professional growth that I gain in both situations.
Contact Paula
You are most welcome to get in touch if you are looking for a supervisor. I work with trainee and experienced practitioners, including supervision for your supervision work. I am Accredited by the BACP to work with individuals and groups. Supervision can be face to face in Harrow / Stanmore and online if you prefer.
The Felt Sense, a True Story
As I walk along the street all is as it should be. The soft blue-sky spreads out peacefully above me and the early morning sun shines warmly on my back. The street is quiet, apart from a myriad of birds chirping back and forth among themselves. I walk slowly taking it all in and sighing with contentment.
Feeling relaxed and dreamy I continue at a leisurely pace, noticing the brightness, and that the brightness has a certain quality to it, a promise of good things to come. I am peaceful and optimistic.
The early morning silence is broken by a few birds still calling out to each other. I delight in being a part of this tranquil scene.
At the same time I am vaguely aware of some slight discomfort. Perhaps this is to do with the brightness there is a sort of stillness to it, and an intensity that feels a little unsettling.
Then I notice again, how pleasant it is to stroll along with the sun’s soothing heat gently warming my back.
I realise that if I look ahead towards the brightness, I get a funny, uncomfortable feeling in my stomach. A nervous, fluttery, edginess that becomes a rather sharp ache.
There is something about that perfect brightness, a kind of atmosphere, a sense of something unreal. The word ‘artificial’ comes to me, it seems to resonate. I stay with the word and what emerges is a sense of shadows lurking behind the brightness.
Quite uneasy now, I calm myself down by breathing in the comforting smell of heat on paving stones.
I shiver. There are still a few birds chattering reassuringly and I try telling myself that all is as it should be. However, my body knows better. It is fully alert.
What was that noise…. that faint rustling? I walk a little faster…. not too fast…. it’s probably a bird….my ears are straining, searching for the faintest sound.
I am aware of the hairs on the back of my neck, literally standing on end….and then I hear footsteps behind me…. I am almost running now…. a hand clasps my shoulder…. Something crude is whispered in my ear.
I scream and scream ‘Okay, okay’ he hisses. Then I run in one direction, and he runs in the other.
Focusing
I remember this incident vividly, even though it happened some years ago. I can see how my vague sense of discomfort developed into a definite awareness of danger.
Eugene Gendlin discovered Focusing, he devised the term ‘felt sense’ to describe an unclear, intricate ‘bodily awareness’. Focusing is a process of deepening our connection with this bodily sense. It is a process that might occur naturally, and it can also be learned.
I can focus alone or with a Companion. To begin with I am just trying to get a feel of something faint and delicate. Slowly and gently, I build up my connection with it by describing and acknowledging everything that I notice. Because the felt sense is very fragile, I need to be sensitive. If I am impatient and try to hurry things along it will disappear.
Gradually the felt-sense becomes stronger and more fully formed. Meanings contained within it can emerge, deepening self-awareness and personal insights.
Further Information
If you would like to know more about Focusing, Eugene Gendlin’s book ‘Focusing’ is a good place to start.
You can also look at my Focusing pages on this website and on the British Focusing Association Website.
Contact Paula
You are most welcome to contact me If you would like to know more about Focusing and its benefits, I teach Focusing and also offer individual Focusing sessions in person and online. .Focusing training is in North West London and online.
Focusing with a dream
I see my train and start walking towards it, my eyes heavy and straining to close. I find a seat and then become aware of the people sitting opposite me. Ashamed of my tired eyes, I hold a book up in front of them. Now I can close my eyes, and no one will know.
My eyes close, then flutter open; I am very anxious about being found out. Eventually, I fall asleep.
The train slows down and screeches to a halt. I join hundreds of people, all walking in various directions. I don't know which way to go. My eyes are closing, and the crowd moves me along. I am afraid of missing my train.
I can barely see, my eyes are tiny slits; sometimes I close them completely for a moment’s relief. Anyone who sees me like this will know how irresponsible I am, travelling with my eyes closed. I feel anxious and ashamed, and then I am running, clambering onto a train.
There is great relief as I realize that this is just a dream. Waking up, I stretch my arms. However, I cannot open my eyes—my eyelids are stuck. I panic, terrified that they will never open.
Some time passes; perhaps I am asleep. I wake up, and my eyes open naturally.
This is a recurrent dream, and I am curious to see what will emerge when I Focus with it.
Lead-in
A 'Lead-in' helps me to bring my awareness inwards.
I begin by sitting comfortably and closing my eyes. I take a few deep breaths and pay attention to my outer body, noticing any sensations in my feet, legs, and seat.
Pressing my feet onto the floor and leaning back into the chair helps me to feel supported and grounded.
I continue with my outer body, paying attention to my back, shoulders, arms, and hands, and moving my neck a little to check for tension. I notice the weight of my head and become aware of the tiny muscles in my face.
Next, I bring awareness to my inner body, getting a sense of my throat, chest, and stomach, and noticing any sensations there.
I pay attention to my emotions, taking time to acknowledge them all. I check whether there is something within me that feels blocked and something that feels easy and flowing.
Making Contact
Inwardly, I describe my dream. This helps me to remember the details and to be in touch with the vague, indistinct feelings about it, known as the felt sense.
I recall the sensations in my eyes at the beginning of my dream and try out words and phrases to capture the experience: heaviness, straining, a sensitive achiness, watery bleariness. I remember the desperate struggle to keep my eyes open and become aware of a thin, sharp achiness in my head.
I have a hazy sense of some sort of feeling that goes with this and I try taking the word 'wrong' back to the sensation in my head. It doesn't fit at all. However, 'ashamed' fits well. So I acknowledge 'something in me that feels ashamed' and soothe my burning cheeks with cool hands.
Now the panicky feelings associated with my dream become more prominent. I say to myself, 'something in me is feeling rising panic.' 'Rising panic' is a good description.
The phrase ‘something in me’ reminds me that only a part of me is experiencing rising panic. I am also aware of a curious part.
My attitude towards everything that emerges within me is friendly, welcoming, and accepting. This creates a safe space for more to be revealed.
Deepening Contact
I settle down with the part of me that feels rising panic. I let it know that I hear it, and I invite it to let me know how things are from its point of view.
I note the tightness in my chest and my fast breathing. Then I become aware of a dilemma: ‘something that I have to do and I cannot do.’ I am pulled in two directions and feel for a moment that I will be pulled apart.
To steady myself, I push my feet into the ground, feeling its solidness and recognizing my own solidness and personal power.
‘Something that I have to do and I can’t do’ takes me to a past situation, and I recognize that I am still living with the anxiety of that situation. I acknowledge the anxiety; I will return to it another time.
I take a few deep breaths. There is still tightness in my chest. I greet it and gently ask whether there is something it is wanting. My heavy eyes are telling me sleep.
‘There is a part of me that wants to sleep, and also a part of me that believes I cannot sleep.’ I realize that ‘cannot’ is not quite right; ‘must not sleep’ is a better description.
I spend time with the part of me that believes I must not sleep, and I tune into my sense of deep shame. The feeling subsides a little as I give it my attention.
Ending
There is always more to explore and discover. For now, I am thankful for everything that has been revealed. There are areas that I will come back to on another occasion.
I sit quietly for a few moments. When I feel ready, I open my eyes and bring my awareness back to the room.
I have not had this dream again. I often find that once I have paid attention to what a dream is communicating and have acknowledged its messages, there is no longer any need.
Contact Paula
You are most welcome to contact me If you would like to know more about Focusing and its benefits, I teach Focusing and also offer individual Focusing sessions in person and online. .Focusing training is in North West London and online.
